Peace of mind
Have you ever had a day go horribly wrong? Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and said out loud, this day is going to SUCK! And, then it did. You were late to work, work was hectic, people were on your ass about everything, your frustration beginning to grow as the day went on, saying, "I knew it".
Well what if you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and said, I had a rough start but this day will be amazing! Reframing is important because it allows us to accept the moment for what it is without putting any judgement on it. We all have a knee jerk reaction at moments and that is OKAY, we are human. If we take a second think our reaction through and ask ourselves "how can I reframe these thoughts I am having?".
For example, my biggest trigger is criticizing, when I am making dinner my husband like to ask HOW I am going to make dinner. "Did you put oil, salt, & pepper on the steak?" "You know you have to broil it for only 7 minutes on each side, right?" I, yes, sometimes have my knee jerk reaction of "Stop criticizing me! You're going to get what I cook, how I cook it!" Sometimes I am able to catch myself, my husband is usually really hungry at this point and he wants to enjoy his food, and while yes, it can sound critical, he is ultimately just trying to help, right? I have to ask myself, why am I feeling defensive? What is it about what he is saying that is pushing my buttons? Usually the answer lies where I am critical of myself. I am my own worst critic, and feel like I hear enough in my own head. It is okay to have people give, maybe, at time unsolicited advice, but indeed advice. If I set clear boundaries and expectations in a clear and concise way, we will most likely avoid an argument all together.
Can it be that simple? It is easier said than done to get out of our heads and into our hearts. We are all human for gosh sakes. When we feel a sense of relief, joy, peace, we think it has to be short lived and wait for the other shoe to drop. We begin our day with instant complaints of aching, tiredness, negative comments physical or emotional discomfort. This is going to take some practice to change our mindset. We need to first be able to identify the negative self talk and stop it right in its tracks. When we say "look at those dark circles under my eyes" what I said to myself this morning, after a night of waking with a teething baby. I can counteract that thought with gratitude. We do not have to deny what we see but we can simply say, these dark circles mean that I am creating a secure attachment with my child and building trust for when she cries, she knows her mom will be there to consul her. This is of course my ideology that you can never cuddle a baby too much!! If we consistently balance and start to appreciate different aspects of our selves and situations in our lives by showing gratitude, we start to see a change. The great Brene Brown, she shared her research with survivors of severe trauma and they consistently show gratitude with a daily practice. We sometimes need the dark moments to allow us to follow that spec of light, and we can always chose to see the light if we are looking.
Start thinking of ways you can mindfully incorporate gratitude into your life. You can start with the examples below, and feel free to add some more of your own! Even writing down 3 things you are grateful for a day will end up helping you reframe those negative thought patterns all humans are prone to do at some point in life.
Today was special because...
I am special because...
Three people that make me happy are...
Something I look forward to...
Gratitude examples from Gratitude Jar from Therapist Aid, attached below!
Feel free to print it and create a jar :)
gratitude-jar
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