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Dealing with Loss

Updated: Feb 22, 2019

We all experience loss at some point in life, and most of the time we experience loss multiple times! Whether we are talking about a breakup or a death of a loved one, we need time to mourn our loss and sometimes it can be difficult to manage on our own. In our society, we tend to deny death, this causes anxiety behind any loss that we may experience and we may feel uncomfortable speaking about death! As we all know deep inside, it is a part of life. The more we look into knowing that this fact, the better we can accept our losses here in the physical world.

When we experience loss, we can internalize, ruminate, experience denial, have a sense of happiness for a moment and then feel guilt, shame, the thought of "how could I have saved it/them" or "what did I do wrong". These are all normal ways to process but when we fixate on these things longer than expected, they can become overwhelming and these thoughts can consume us. What society tells us is that there is a way to heal from loss. Sometimes we get stronger, our wing span gets wider, and we are able to fly again. We may never find closure but we may be able to find some peace.

We all grieve in our own way. We are taught to have this linear thinking that the stages of grief will soon pass and they will go from denial, to anger then bargaining, depression then come to acceptance. Unfortunately, grief is not linear. These stages are scattered, we may have moments of acceptance, but that brings us right back to bargaining and feeling guilt for having that moment. Allowing yourself to FEEL grief is so important. Those around us tend to say things that may not help because we think of grief as something that can be fixed with time. Sometimes that is not the case. A tremendous loss can bring huge changes to ones life. One thing to know is that it is part of life this grief. All experience this and to deny grief is to deny love.

What we can do is allow ourselves to cultivate a new way of living, it can in turn help us connect and develop our relationships with family and friends. We can have the open conversations with people and allow them in to help us heal in our time of need. Those that show unconditional love will be there to support.

Therapy is also a way to externalize our grief and allow for a neutral perspective. Sometimes we feel as though we do not want to burden our close ones with our suffering. Although those that unconditionally love will always support us in that way, therapy can help us come to these conclusions of self-care, healing, forgiveness and vulnerability. We can access our true self that is hiding under our suffering with help of those around us and by facing our loss in a way to help us heal.

Life may never be the same but we can use the love and compassion that we have had for those that we lost and cultivate connections, and find moments of peace with our selves and those around us.

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